Anyone who read my review of Come Drink with Me (1966) knows that Kung Fu films rarely impress me. Cheh Chang’s Five Deadly Venoms (a.k.a. Wu Du; 1978) is no exception. Watching it, I wasn’t quite sure if it was a genre piece or a parody of itself. This can be an effective technique, as with James Cameron’s True Lies (1994), but I’m fairly sure it’s not what Cheh intended. I should note early on that I was only able to get my hands on a dubbed version of the picture, and one copied from a VHS transfer at that. But while this would typically upset me, here I found the humor of the poorly written and poorly performed dubbing to be one of the only elements which held my attention.
Consider the following pieces of dialogue in this “action thriller” about a clan of warriors who fight in five different animal-oriented styles: “This man’s a good guy. Look after him.” “Good plan. Who thought up this one? … It’s number two The Snake… So this was your idea.” This couldn’t even have been good in the original mandarin. However bad the dialogue may be, it’s preferable to the atrocious sound effects employed ad nauseam in each ubiquitous fight scene. Apparently, the sound mixers on this film thought that there were only two things audible during a brawl, the sound of a punch connecting and the sound of a punch not connecting. That’s it. Nothing else, save for a bit of heavy breathing and some “psych ‘em up” screams.
Now this sound blunder in itself is pretty bad, but when combined with the terrible lighting continuity during these scenes the film becomes just laughable, in the worst way possible. I realize that the makers of world film are often without those tools that are easily accessible to Hollywood directors and cinematographers, but you can’t tell me that The Shaw Bros. Studio (who produced this and many other Kung Fu “classics”) didn’t have a light meter at their disposal.
Even these technical mishaps might be forgettable were the film’s content intriguing at all, but this is simply not the case. Like all Kung Fu films, Five Deadly Venoms is hyped as a visual tour de force, with specific praise directed to its fight choreography, but I kid you not when I tell you that a significant number of shots in the film display nothing more than characters folding and unfolding paper. Another visual peccadillo that I can’t quite explain concerns why the production designer, when needing to create an iron maiden for the torture scene of “Number 5 Toad,” chose to include a butt crease in the exterior posterior of the devise.
I could go on addressing the problems I found with the film, but I though it wise to respond to an element that 1001 praises as a virtue of the picture. The text notes the mathematical equilibrium of good guy/bad guy deaths presented throughout the narrative. Call me crazy, but isn’t that a bit formulaic? Don’t we want films to elevate their audience above the cognitive level required to digest children’s television programming, in which this 1 to 1 ratio is prevalent?
Still, you can forget all of this. You can disregard every element I’ve noted thus far and still, as a reasonable filmgoer, find grounds to think this picture is preposterous. Basic premise is the issue here, and a ridiculous McGuffin to boot. The audience is asked to believe that the conflict between the Five Deadly Venom Warriors of the title centers on obtaining the massive treasure of the clan which has been entrusted to an elderly member who is killed. How exactly is it that a Kung Fu clan obtains immense fortune when the skill set of the five remaining members, who live in anonymity of one another, seems fitted to little work beyond breaking plates and vases in midair with their extremities? I can’t see the marketability in this talent, and yet it is employed throughout the film by each of the characters despite any evidence that it garners income. I’m just sayin’.
If you think you can look past this ridiculous notion, and the fact that “Number 4 Lizard” can walk on walls, then you’ll probably by all accounts love Five Deadly Venoms. If you’re over the age of six and not a member of the Wu Tang Clan I wouldn’t recommend it. My apologies O.D.B., R.I.P.
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