Faithful readers, if there are any of you left (or were any of you in the first place), I have to apologize for my lack of recent posts. I’m simply running out of ways to find the remaining titles. I’ve got a bead on a few, so I’ll hold off soliciting help for the time being, but I thought in the interim you might enjoy my thoughts on bad movies, as I’ve seen quite a few throughout the journey. I’ll restrict my thoughts on the subject to a simple list, often the best way to organize any set of ground rules. So without further ado, aspiring (and active) filmmakers, here are my humbly offered suggestions for composing a bad movie.
1. Build your characters around statements, rather than building statements around characters.
2. Use style more than substance to define your subject.
3. Make that subject lasers and explosions.
4. Give every scene a climax.
5. Project definitives; avoid subtleties.
6. Prioritize scope over substance.
7. Substitute vulgarity for wit.
8. Make either “complexity” or “simplicity” the stated goal of the structure.
9. Make sure there is “something for everyone.”
10. If it isn’t working, add a sex scene … in 3D.
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